Demolition Derby

by Maddi Mae

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1.
Lyrics: My eyes aren’t even open yet Starting the day with an existential crisis Morbidly aware of inevitable death Got too much to do, but not enough life to do it Oh well Today is gonna be okay Well, I don’t know, maybe Oh, never mind, it’s rainin’ I guess I’m gonna stay in Watch Rushmore and text somebody Who I know doesn’t like me Eat peanut butter off a big spoon Bash on the keyboard all afternoon I’ve got decades of albums in my head And dozens of books to write before I’m dead I’ve got epiphanies to drop on people Like a ton of painful, beautiful bricks But I’m afraid that I don’t have enough time to do it Oh well Chorus I mean, even if I’m lucky And live to be eighty years old I won’t have enough time to figure it out With the resources currently available If you’re in the 1% And want to be a patron of my arts I won’t feel guilty taking money from you But deep down in my heart I’ll know the systems rigged That in this world in which we live You’ve got the money, so you’ve the power To decide who and what gets to exist Do you like playing God? Because guess what? You’re more powerful than God. You have a tangible effect on 99% of us. Chorus
2.
I don’t know how People ignore me When I’m right here Quite literally Saying I need help I’m not in a good place I need someone To help me save face I’m strong, beautiful, talented, and hardworking I’m not in a good place Loving, fun, fiscally responsible, good at home-making Someone help me save face Up for adventure, full of drive and aspiration, intelligent I’m not in a good place Completely alone and unwanted x3 Goddammit, someone help me save face I tried to show you By example How to love me How to handle When I’m suffering And I need you I tried to show you But I displeased you It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it. I’m going through some stuff too, and I feel alone with it. Man, I need you. So I’m probably reaching out to you more because I try to give what I want to receive. But I displeased you. I realized I was doing that today. And you were mean, but I think it’s just because you protect yourself by pushing away. Man, I need you. Completely alone and unwanted x3 But I displeased you. Completely alone and unwanted
3.
I can’t come over I told ya I have too much to do I can’t go out I’ve gotta stay in my house Quiet, empty rooms About this weekend, I know you want To have some fun But I can’t go anywhere About tonight, I know we planned it To be romantic But I can’t even go there You should still go out for the both of us Or go out for just you Really, baby, I’m okay Whatever you want to do It’s on you Cause I’m not going anywhere Just one second, I know depression Seems like oppression When I can’t do anything But plot twist, I try to use it To make my music I can’t speak, but I can sing I can take this shit and make it into Bops and bangers, baby When I’m feeling better We can dance around to this like crazy It’s on me I gotta get me through this It’s lonely… I don’t want to be lonely… But I don’t want to be… Around anybody else right now…
4.
You backstabbers Scumbaggers Heart smashers Heartless bastards You have everything, but you don't care about anything Except yourself; you sure seem to care about yourself Yes, I'm hateful To those ungrateful To those unfaithful Who commit betrayal Something rotten inside you Gorges on good things and leaves behind nothing You're too cool to care about anything - Aren't ya? Aren't you? Part of me Wants to turn you into a human shishkabob But part of me Wants to curl into a little ball and cry for the love you Dropped in the dirt Kicked in the face Left there to die Rotting in place Part of me Wants to crush what I'm leaving behind into dust But part of me Wants to focus on me and leave it alone to Rust in the dirt Without a face Left there die Rotting in place Soon you'll know you lost a good thing You lost a good thing, baby You lost it You just lost it This one Goes out to The backstabbers You know who you are
5.
You are a creepy old man But I’m still trying to understand Is there something that I missed That made you think I wanted that kiss? Maybe the problem is me I am the common denominator Should I wear a bag over my head? Maybe then I wouldn’t be such a trouble-maker What happens when I get old? When it’s hot but my body feels cold? When I’m still young and beautiful in my soul, But my face ain’t pretty no more? Maybe when I’m old I’ll be free From the girl men want me to be Or maybe I’ll kiss somebody young like you did To try to keep ahold of my youthfulness I just wanted a friend You just wanted pretty company I guess beauty is a sin So to hell with my body Will I look into the mirror and cry For the pretty young me who has died? Or will I look at myself and smile Because inside I’m still a child?

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released January 1, 2018

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Maddi Mae Remington, Virginia

A mountain woman from Virginia's Shenandoah Valley, Maddi Mae now lives quietly in the hills.

Her music is a hearty blend of old and new. A sprinkling of folky Americana and off-beat psychedelia. Hints of folk and traditional ballads. Heaps of classic country and indie pop.

A straight-shooter, her words are the truth. One may know her better by listening to her songs than by meeting her.
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