Demolition Derby

by Maddi Mae

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about

Demo catch-all.

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released January 1, 2018

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about

Maddi Mae Jefferson, Virginia

Indie musician from Virginia, mixed bag of interesting, hauntingly beautiful music.

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Track Name: Today is Gonna Be OK
Lyrics:
My eyes aren’t even open yet
Starting the day with an existential crisis
Morbidly aware of inevitable death
Got too much to do, but not enough life to do it
Oh well

Today is gonna be okay
Well, I don’t know, maybe
Oh, never mind, it’s rainin’
I guess I’m gonna stay in

Watch Rushmore and text somebody
Who I know doesn’t like me
Eat peanut butter off a big spoon
Bash on the keyboard all afternoon

I’ve got decades of albums in my head
And dozens of books to write before I’m dead
I’ve got epiphanies to drop on people
Like a ton of painful, beautiful bricks
But I’m afraid that I don’t have enough time to do it
Oh well

Chorus

I mean, even if I’m lucky
And live to be eighty years old
I won’t have enough time to figure it out
With the resources currently available

If you’re in the 1%
And want to be a patron of my arts
I won’t feel guilty taking money from you
But deep down in my heart
I’ll know the systems rigged
That in this world in which we live
You’ve got the money, so you’ve the power
To decide who and what gets to exist

Do you like playing God?
Because guess what?
You’re more powerful than God.
You have a tangible effect on 99% of us.

Chorus
Track Name: I'm Not in a Good Place
I don’t know how
People ignore me
When I’m right here
Quite literally
Saying I need help
I’m not in a good place
I need someone
To help me save face

I’m strong, beautiful, talented, and hardworking
I’m not in a good place
Loving, fun, fiscally responsible, good at home-making
Someone help me save face
Up for adventure, full of drive and aspiration, intelligent
I’m not in a good place
Completely alone and unwanted x3
Goddammit, someone help me save face

I tried to show you
By example
How to love me
How to handle
When I’m suffering
And I need you
I tried to show you
But I displeased you

It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it. I’m going through some stuff too, and I feel alone with it.
Man, I need you.
So I’m probably reaching out to you more because I try to give what I want to receive.
But I displeased you.
I realized I was doing that today. And you were mean, but I think it’s just because you protect yourself by pushing away.
Man, I need you.
Completely alone and unwanted x3
But I displeased you.

Completely alone and unwanted
Track Name: Quiet, Empty Rooms
I can’t come over
I told ya
I have too much to do

I can’t go out
I’ve gotta stay in my house
Quiet, empty rooms

About this weekend, I know you want
To have some fun
But I can’t go anywhere

About tonight, I know we planned it
To be romantic
But I can’t even go there

You should still go out for the both of us
Or go out for just you
Really, baby, I’m okay
Whatever you want to do
It’s on you
Cause I’m not going anywhere

Just one second, I know depression
Seems like oppression
When I can’t do anything

But plot twist, I try to use it
To make my music
I can’t speak, but I can sing

I can take this shit and make it into
Bops and bangers, baby
When I’m feeling better
We can dance around to this like crazy
It’s on me
I gotta get me through this

It’s lonely…
I don’t want to be lonely…
But I don’t want to be…
Around anybody else right now…
Track Name: To the Backstabbers
You backstabbers
Scumbaggers
Heart smashers
Heartless bastards

You have everything,
but you don't care about anything
Except yourself; you sure seem to care about yourself

Yes, I'm hateful
To those ungrateful
To those unfaithful
Who commit betrayal

Something rotten inside you
Gorges on good things and leaves behind nothing
You're too cool to care about anything - Aren't ya? Aren't you?

Part of me
Wants to turn you into a human shishkabob
But part of me
Wants to curl into a little ball and cry for the love you
Dropped in the dirt
Kicked in the face
Left there to die
Rotting in place

Part of me
Wants to crush what I'm leaving behind into dust
But part of me
Wants to focus on me and leave it alone to
Rust in the dirt
Without a face
Left there die
Rotting in place

Soon you'll know you lost a good thing
You lost a good thing, baby
You lost it
You just lost it

This one
Goes out to
The backstabbers

You know who you are
Track Name: Creepy Old Man
You are a creepy old man
But I’m still trying to understand
Is there something that I missed
That made you think I wanted that kiss?

Maybe the problem is me
I am the common denominator
Should I wear a bag over my head?
Maybe then I wouldn’t be such a trouble-maker

What happens when I get old?
When it’s hot but my body feels cold?
When I’m still young and beautiful in my soul,
But my face ain’t pretty no more?

Maybe when I’m old I’ll be free
From the girl men want me to be
Or maybe I’ll kiss somebody young like you did
To try to keep ahold of my youthfulness

I just wanted a friend
You just wanted pretty company
I guess beauty is a sin
So to hell with my body

Will I look into the mirror and cry
For the pretty young me who has died?
Or will I look at myself and smile
Because inside I’m still a child?

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